Untitled I

Can but shouldn’t
Would but couldn’t

Misdirection, indecision and all it entails
Indiscretion, mistrust is all she sells

Carry myself through it all
Just to take a stroll through your hall
It’s not fair but you don’t care
You do what you do and watch me stare

Perhaps the time isn’t now
Perhaps next year
More time and less fear
Perhaps I won’t question how

Author’s note:

‘Untitled I’ is a piece about sending wrong signals on purpose even though you shouldn’t. How the propper thing to do is what you would like to do, but are unable to. How you get drawn into doing the wrong thing even though it isn’t fair for any party.

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Choice

Can a stupid, short term choice
be 1000 times better
than the obvious, expected one
Like losing your rain coat as you’re getting wetter?

The choice was easy, simple too
The cost-benefit and practical solution
But still… I’m afraid the thoughts will drive me
Will I be filled with confusion?

I’ve made a choice and decided
against the seemingly stupid thing
It revisits me every day
What if I regret once I’m on the wing?

What if the choice has already been made for me
but I will not know until it is too late
My timing is off
Should I take the bait?

Too much thinking
what if, why, and when
hoping and dreading
If I’m offered a choice again, what will I do then?

Author’s note:

People think and act rationally, usually. ‘Choice’ plays around with that thought and wonders what would happen if one didn’t choose the obvious choice, but gave a ‘stupid, short term choice’ a chance. The poem reflects a person’s inner thoughts flying around as they are overthinking the situation, considering every outcome.

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Brief

You were someone to adore if only for a little while, you gave me a brief smile.

Until it disappeared and now it’s all weird

Author’s note:

‘Brief’ is a short reflection on a relationship that was good even though it didn’t last long as well as the awkwardness that comes afterwards. You spend so much time with that one person only to watch it all disappear.

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Remember

When we were
What we are
We’ve since become
Higher than the bar

We try to evolve
into something less,
well, less is more.
What a mess.

I try to remember
Or, I cannot seem to stop
I miss your company
It takes me over the top.

The tree wants a fallen leaf
to fall and decompose by its side
but pushes it away with wind as if
it never wanted the fall to come to light.

The leaf partially hangs onto the tree
until now, because it remembers ahead
What happened before
And what was said

Author’s note:

‘Remember’ is a piece about hanging on to someone that doesn’t care as much about you as you do about them. You force yourself to stay because you believe there’s nothing better out there.

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Snow

Am I happy
Now that it’s the 3rd of December
And it’s cold enough for me to freeze
But only rain falls as if just to tease

I always thought
the temperature would decrease
But as the flakes form in the skies
They’re gone in as many tries

Incomplete
The cold without the prize
Makes me miss the summer
Where’s the honor

Author’s note:

‘Snow’ is about a person that makes it seem as if they’re interested in a romantic relationship, but when it comes to it they bail at the last second.

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The gray between the black and white

Sometimes I feel bipolar
without any middle ground
it’s either all in or fold
Trapped in my mind, I feel bound.

Is it me or do people relate
either LOL’ing or crying weekly
every Wednesday is both
I try to find sense in acting weakly

Whether the argued reasons are
alcohol, childhood, or inevitability
it all returns to self-pity
Especially when I try to be witty

I try not to be the ordinary man
but the simple man
No one’s shown me how to act
damn

The inner fight of blame
it’s hard to see behind the black and white
inner control of honor and shame
Looking ahead things are gray, at least I hope they might

Author’s note:

‘The gray between the black and white’ was a piece I wrote during a time where I had extreme mood swings. I could go from having the best time with my friends to being completely down and depressed in a blink of an eye. For a long time I couldn’t figure out what caused these ‘demons’, as I liked to call them, to come out. After a great amount of self-reflection they don’t come out as often and when they do I’ve become much better at handling it. Accepting that you have issues is important and talking to your friends about it helps as well.

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Guilt

Guilt is a powerful tool
Rebuilding burned bridges
Not taught in school
Its existence equals stitches

Always act and hide
Fear that grows
No point for spite
Or reaching new lows

Forget, and remember the positives
Every decision for the long term effect
No one has the answers so don’t wonder if
Don’t question the motive, no one is perfect

Embrace the present and look ahead
Let go of old pain and sorrow
Don’t be afraid of getting wet
There’s always tomorrow

Author’s note:

‘Guilt’ was written in a moment of self-reflection around the concept of family. How we’re supposed to stick together no matter what people do and how we’re treated. There’s this anger, rage or even resentment being built up, which has to be let go if you want to cherish your family. After all, some of them are not all that bad.

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Who

I’m bored and alone
Do I truly want you to be mine
Is that feeling real or fictional
Are you just a filler of time

I don’t know where you are
and it’s both scary and exciting
Are you in a forest, a sea, or a desert
I want to know if I’m to your liking

The world turns upside down
I’m at a crossroads in a raincoat
Is it fair to even ask or imply
Am I part of sinking a fine boat

No matter the trip I’ve been through
No matter what I feel and hope you do
No matter if this is simply a defense mechanism
You can do better than me… or is that not true?

Author’s note:

‘Who’ is the first poem I ever released to the public, but it was far from the first one I wrote. I started writing things down seriously in 2012, but shared this poem during the fall of 2017.

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