Guard up guard down

I’m afraid that I’m unable
To let my guard down
I’m afraid I’m gonna drown

Past experiences have made me tough
So much that indifference is all that’s left
You could consider it theft

I was hoping it’d come naturally
But I’m afraid it never will
Happiness isn’t my strongest skill

All I can do is keep on trying
With no other alternative
I want to see if it’s affirmative

Author’s note:

The poem ‘Guard up guard down’ is about not having feelings in romantic endeavors. It’s about wanting to feel something, but being unable to even though your partner might seem perfect on paper.

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Fly on the wall

I thought you’d let me in your space
But your friends chose to replace
Me with their hidden agenda

We’d met before
Rumors of mutual adore
Turned to awkward dust

I didn’t care at all
But you saw them as a fly on the wall
Watching us to your disdain

How come you didn’t agree
That even though they could see
It didn’t matter

Author’s note:

‘Fly on the wall’ is a poem about being afraid of the public eye. About thinking that you’re watched all the time and making your decisions based on this understanding.

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Blame

It’s easy to hate someone’s fame
Walking through the gate of blame
I want our fate to be the same
But I guess I’ll have to wait to take your name
Will we ever soulmate playing this game?
In the right date, weather will tame

Author’s note:

‘Blame’ is about looking outward and resonating blame at anyone else than yourself.

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Trapped

As soon as I see your smile
I worry of hurting you
Like I’ve been too

As soon as I feel my smile
I’ll want to calm down
Consider if it’s forced and turns into a frown

Author’s note:

‘Trapped’ is about being afraid of hurting someone whilst still wanting to see where the relationship goes and the dichotomy this creates.

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Distanced

I distance myself
Because I’ve been hurt before
Oh boy have I been hurt
It’s stuck deep inside my core

It’s hard for me
To feel anything at all
I want this excessively
But I’m still waiting for her call

I wish it was possible
To close this box
But first I need to open it and see
Before I’ll ever be able to find its locks

It’s apparent
How history repeats itself
Help me resolve it
Mere seconds before the clock strikes twelve

Author’s note:

‘Distanced’ is a poem about being ready to move on but not being able to. It’s about how it affects any potential relationship.

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